How to plan a party

When you have Lupus, there's a lot of things about your body that changes. But let's not forget how the mind changes as well. Yea, you thought your memory was bad before? Bam! Lupus makes things incredibly difficult to stick to your brain. 

I've been in situations where I keep asking the same question 10 times within the span of 5 mins and I still can't recall what the answer was.

Or standing in line at the grocery store and deciding between paying with card or cash. Then when it's my turn, I still haven't decided and I panic slightly cause I still can't make up my mind. 

Now imagine trying to plan a party for 9 people. Actually, imagine planning an entire weekend for 9 people.

During this Halloween, my best friend and her fiancé and a friend, decided to come up to visit. More people wanted to come so in total we were 9 people, mostly close friends.

I had to occupy my dear friend's apartment cause mine was too small. She of course didn't mind, she loves parties and Halloween. Though, she probably would have liked to know the exact day everyone was coming over. Somehow I had missed that.

Uh, change of plans guys, guess we're having the party tonight, instead of tomorrow!

Not to mention trying to figure out how to drive everyone there, when to go shopping and hopefully not forgetting anything important. I'm pretty sure I drove everyone mad with my "oops! I forgot.."

Since we hadn't planned anything for the day after, it became a Halloween party 2.0. I'm sure my friend would have liked a heads up about it, but I forgot to call and we just showed up. Poor girl was wiped out and sleeping on the couch.

She just shook the sleep off her and laughed it off.

Not mention ordering 1 pizza too much the day after and it's a shitty one at that.

But despite all that, and probably more, no one complained and everyone had a good time.

That's why it's important to have great  friends. They don't care about the details, as long as everyone have a good time.

Before they had to head home again, my best friend turned to me and said "all that stuff don't matter. I'm used to things being a lil messy and no one cares. It's not what is important"

It's easy to get yourself down when you feel like you can't do anything right. I'm sure that's true for anyone. 

But Lupus also messes with your mind. It becomes clouded and muddy. You say the wrong words when you mean something else, your mind connects in weird ways. Your thought processes take forever and this leads to anxiety about saying the wrong things, and over making decisions that affect others. Fear of making mistakes, because no matter how you try you can't seem to learn from them.

What's worse is you start telling yourself that it's useless to try cause you'll muck it up anyway.

It isn't easy when you can't even give yourself a break.

But you know you have the best friends in the whole world, when for the first time in a long time... you didn't let it get to you at all.